Chapter 2: Understanding Grief and Emotions
How does grief affect sleep?
It is perfectly normal for you and your families sleep to be affected by grief, but not getting a good night’s sleep can impact all areas of your life.
Sleep consultant Lucy Murray explains why grief can affect children’s ability to sleep.
Lucy Murray, Sleep consultant
Grief and sleep
Grief can significantly affect a child’s sense of security and comfort and can lead to problems with sleep including difficulty falling asleep, frequent waking, nightmares, or changes in sleep duration.
Here are some tips for helping children rest and sleep while they are also grieving. If you find that your child is not settling after a few months, then you can seek further guidance from your GP.
1
Maintaining a routine:
Keeping a calm and consistent bedtime routine is important to helping a child’s sleep.
2
Create a comfortable sleep environment:
Making sure your child’s bedroom is a sleep-friendly environment is essential, especially in the early days of grief. Keeping their familiar items close like their favourite toy or blanket can make them feel more secure.
A white noise machine or soft music can help to create a soothing background. Sibling Support recommends these two child-friendly soothing music playlists which can be played in your child’s bedroom to help them sleep.
Kids Sleep Sounds | Soothing Ocean Waves
The Perfect Bedtime Sound Bath
3
Encourage talk of their feelings:
One of the things that could be preventing your child from sleeping is overthinking or worrying following the death or their brother/or sister. Topic 4 covers how to talk to your children about their emotions, and this can be beneficial before they go to sleep when they are less distracted from other things going on.
Sleep consultant Lucy Murray explains how you can support primary aged children with sleep, including talking about their feelings.
This can be a really good time to encourage your children to talk about their feelings, ask any questions they may have, or share their fears. By discussing their thoughts, you may be able to help them overcome them.
Encouraging your child to write a letter to their brother or sister can be a beneficial activity. Writing allows children to release their feelings and it can be a useful outlet for their grief. Download our letter writing activities below. We have one for younger children with prompts to guide them in their writing and a blank version for older children.
Letter for
younger children
Letter for
older children
Sleep consultant Lucy Murray offers guidance for secondary school aged children:
Sleep tips for secondary aged children
Lucy Murray, Sleep Consultant
Georgia was a teenager when her older sister died. She shares her experience with sleep and nightmares following her sister’s death and how she coped:
"So, I think my recurring nightmare was pretty much happening every night for at least a year, and then has slowly reduced over the years to pretty much never. I haven't experienced that particular nightmare for a few years now which is great! Honestly, I think the first night it didn't happen, was the day I told someone about it for the first time. I'm very annoyed I didn't tell anyone sooner because I had lost a lot of sleep by that point!
I found it difficult to tell anyone, firstly because I wasn't really telling anyone anything, but also because it was difficult to explain. It wasn't like a nightmare that they have in a film where it's very linear and with a clear narrative. It was more like a fever dream where you're terrified, and it is almost just fragments of graphic memories all stitched together in a very surreal setting.
It was my best friend who I told, and it felt like such a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She was really amazing talking to about it as well, because I was expecting a response like 'don't worry, it's just a bad dream', but she was really understanding and acknowledged the fact that it must be a scary experience to be forced to endure night after night. Having my feelings validated and understood was a really important way for me to then go forward knowing that I'm not just being dramatic or childish."
GEORGIA DEWAR,
OLIVIAS’S SISTER
Here are some more ideas to help out:
1
Practical Exercises
In addition to the above, there are some practical exercises you can do which all focus of helping your children relax at any time of the day but can be particularly useful before bed.
2
Breathe & Grieve
Fizz Yasin is a Yoga & Meditation Teacher who specialises in children’s movement and mental health. The following breathing exercises are designed to help children, teenagers and young adults who are grieving because they can help manage stress and emotions, promote relaxation, and help overcome big feelings of grief.
Four eight count
Three part breath
3
Yoga
Yoga can be beneficial to people grieving because it can address both the physical and emotional aspects of grief. For younger children, these exercises can be done with parents or the whole family, while older children may prefer to do it by themselves.
Poses to calm
Movement is medicine