Ellie’s story
Ellie and Jack
Ellie shares her story about the sudden death of her younger brother Jack, and the lessons grief has taught her.
On Tuesday 19th April 2022, just three weeks after my younger brother Jack turned 18, my world changed forever.
I hadn’t seen Jack that day - I’d left the house early to meet a friend for lunch. When I returned home, I was met by the sight of a police car parked in the driveway. As I walked towards the house, my mind raced through the worst-case scenarios. Maybe Jack had broken a leg or something.
Never, in my worst nightmares, did I imagine that he had died that day.
Jack had gone out to meet a friend for their birthday, but on his way home he was involved in a road traffic accident. Tragically, he died at the scene.
Jack was unique - quiet, funny, and sharply witty. He had qualities I often felt I was missing. He was content doing his own thing, always knowing his own mind. He loved fishing, gaming, mountain biking, Japanese culture, and listening to music- things that brought him joy in his own quiet way.
Jack and I were close in age, just 19 months apart, which meant we grew up like playmates. We were constant companions, always getting up to mischief together. One Christmas, I climbed onto the kitchen worktop to fetch our advent calendars. I passed Jack’s down to him in his baby walker, and before long, the packaging was ripped, and our faces were smeared with chocolate.
As we got older, our bond remained strong. We spent a lot of time together, often with my boyfriend, enjoying simple things like pizza takeaways, bowling, and playing mini golf. Those moments, though ordinary at the time, now shine brightly in my memory.
"When I returned home, I was met by the sight of a police car parked in the driveway. As I walked towards the house, my mind raced through the worst-case scenarios. Maybe Jack had broken a leg or gotten into some trouble. Never, in my worst nightmares, did I imagine that he had died that day.”
In the days after Jack died, everything felt surreal. It was as though my world had stopped turning, but life around me continued. I was stuck somewhere between losing a sibling and losing a part of myself. At the time, I was in my final year at university, with assignments and exams scheduled just two weeks after Jack’s accident. If I didn’t complete them, I risked having to stay behind a year. Surprisingly, focusing on my assignments allowed me a temporary escape from the trauma whilst I quietly processed my loss. It was a sense of normality in a time of chaos.
As the days passed, I found myself unsure of where I fit in my grief. My parents, who had always been the ones I’d turned to for support, were now the ones who needed it most. I felt an overwhelming sense that I had to be strong for them. Grieving for Jack whilst trying to step into a role I never anticipated was challenging at times.
I still find comfort in doing the things that brought Jack joy- whether it’s walking down the trails he used to bike, listening to his favourite music, or simply pausing to remember a shared joke. In those moments, I feel as though he’s still with me. These simple acts bridge the gap between the past and the present, keeping his memory alive. They make me feel close to him, as though I’m carrying a piece of him forwards with me.
Although the pain of losing Jack will never fully disappear, I’ve learned that grief is not something you move on from- it’s something you learn to carry with you. Over time, I’ve come to understand that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a way to live alongside the loss, and to honour the person who is no longer here, whilst still moving forward. Jack’s absence has shaped who I am today, and though I wish I could turn back time, I carry his memory with me in everything I do. In the quiet moments, when I hear a song he loved, or see something that reminds me of him, I still feel his presence.
It’s as though he’s always with me, a constant part of my life, no matter where I go.
