Quinlan’s story
Quinlan & River
Quinlan was 11 when his brother died in a car crash. Here he shares his experiences.
Grief comes in all shapes and sizes and it affects people in different ways. However, the only thing that relates between every individual is that it happens and affects people randomly.
I was in the back garden playing football in the afternoon of February 13 2016.
A police car was speeding down the road where I lived. My stomach dropped. My heart sank. I had this strong, achy, feeling that I lost my brother, River.
Not only my brother, but my hero.
“River was in an amazing band called Viola Beach from Warrington. Whilst driving back from a gig during a European tour in Sweden they died after the car they were in drove off the side of a bridge.”
I know every detail, because I sat hidden at the top of the stairs and listened to all of the information and condolences spill from the officers’ mouths. My gut feeling was correct.
River was 19 when he died, and I was 11 at the time.
I can remember the exact emotions I was feeling. Obviously, it was awful. Strangely, the following year I believe I didn’t feel sad or think about my brother at all.
“Then suddenly, it hit me like a wave and there was a three week period where it was the lowest place I have ever been, but I overcame it.”
If you are in a state of depression with grief, you can overcome it. I know now that I can escape that dark place and be happy in life and keep and remember happy memories of your loved one.
“Five months after River died Coldplay paid tribute to Viola Beach at Glastonbury. Seeing River’s face in front of a crowd of 200,000 was special. He had achieved his dream.”
I made a promise to my brother then. I’ll chase whatever my dream is.
The advice I would give is to spend time with family and friends and do things that make you happy.
Also, reflect on what has happened and look back on memories with your loved one. One mistake I made was never looking back on my life with my brother and reflecting - that is why it suddenly hit me as soon as I opened up.
A good way to think about it Is like hiding it in a cupboard, soon all the thoughts and memories will keep filling up inside of the cupboard and then soon it won’t be able to hold all of it and will break. So not often but once in a while open up the cupboard and refresh and reflect.
The most important thing I have learned is as time goes on the wound heals but a scar will always be there.
Grief is like a black hole. It pulls you in, but remember we are on this earth for a reason and you deserve a happy and enjoyable life.
“I will never forget my 19 year old brother, River, who for me will always be touring the world with his mates.”
Quinlan was one of the first young people to be involved in setting up Sibling Support as a project.
He said: “Helping set up the website was so special to me, because like today I was in a room full of people who had lost a sibling. Before that I felt alone.”
“Being in that room, brainstorming ideas, was a special occasion”
If you’d like to get involved with Sibling Support, message us.
